Poems

=Remember When= A Poem About Technology

A computer was something on TV From a sci fi show of note. A window was something you hated to clean And ram was the cousin of goat. Meg was the name of my girlfriend And gig was a job for the nights. Now they all mean different things And that really mega bytes. An application was for employment. A program was a TV show. A curser used profanity. A keyboard was a piano. Memory was something that you lost with age. A CD was a bank account. And if you had a 3 1/2" floppy You hoped nobody found out. Compress was something you did to the garbage Not something you did to a file. And if you unzipped anything in public You'd be in jail for a while. Log on was adding wood to the fire. Hard drive was a long trip on the road. A mouse pad was where a mouse lived. And a backup happened to your commode. Cut you did with a pocket knife. Paste you did with glue. A web was a spider's home. And a virus was the flu I guess I'll stick to my pad and paper And the memory in my head. I hear nobody's been killed in a computer crash, But when it happens they wish they were dead. James S. Huggins' Refrigerator Door

=Dr. Seuss explains why computers sometimes crash:= If a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port, And the bus is interrupted as a very last resort, And the address of the memory makes your floppy disk abort,

Then the socket packet pocket has an error to report. If your cursor finds a menu item followed by a dash, And the double-clicking icon puts your window in the trash, And your data is corrupted because the index doesn't hash, Then your situation's hopeless, and your system's gonna crash!

If the label on the cable on the table at your house, Says the network is connected to the button on your mouse, But your packets want to tunnel onto another protocol, That's repeatedly rejected by the printer down the hall ~

And your screen is all distorted by the side effects of gauss, So your icons in the window are as wavy as a souse, Then you may as well reboot and go out with a bang, 'Cause as sure as I'm a poet, the sucker's gonna hang!

When the copy of your floppy's getting sloppy on the disk, And the microcode instructions cause unnecessary risk, Then you'll have to flash your memory, and you'll want to RAM your ROM. Quickly turn off the computer and be sure to tell your mom!

This joke is from the collection at www.usaone.net/jokenet

=The Lord's Prayer for Computers= Our Hard Drive Which art internal Volume C by name; Thy code be clean, Thy fonts be seen On screen as they are on paper. Give us this day our documents, And lead us not into fragmentation But deliver us our data. For thine is the SCSI, And the EISA, and the NuBus, Forever and Ever, Amen

=My Computer Ate My Homework=

My computer ate my homework. Yes, it's troublesome, but true. Though it didn't gnaw or nibble and it didn't chomp or chew.

It digested it completely. It consumed my homework whole, when I pressed the Shift and Enter keys instead of Shift-Control.

It devoured my hours of typing, every picture, chart and graph, and it left me most unsettled when I thought I heard it laugh.

I would guess it was a virus, or it could have been a worm, that deleted every bit but didn't prompt me to confirm.

I suppose I might have pressed Escape instead of pressing Save, but, regardless, my computer now will never misbehave.

For I found a good solution and I smiled to hear the crash, when I chucked it out the window and it landed in the trash.

--Kenn Nesbitt

My Computer Prayer Author Unknown, But Greatly Appreciated! Dear Lord, Every evening as I'm lying here in bed, This tiny little prayer keeps running through my head. God, bless my mom and dad And bless my little pup And look out for my sister When things aren't looking up. And God, there's one more thing I wish that you could do Hope you don't mind my asking But please bless my computer too. Now, I know that's not normal To bless a motherboard But just listen for a second While I explain to you, my Lord. You see, that little metal box Holds more than odds and ends. Inside those small compartments Are a hundred of my 'friends'. I know for sure they like me By the kindness that they give And this little scrap of metal Is how I travel to where they live. By faith is how I know them much the same as you I share in what life brings them From that our friendship grew. Please take an extra minute From your duties up above To bless this scrap of metal That's filled with so much love!

= = = = = = =The Computer Swallowed Grandma=


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Learning About Technology is Cool! Words by Claire Schneider (Tune: Walking in a Winter Wonderland)**

Learning About Technology is Cool! Smartboard class, are you listening In the lab, we are glistening We meet after school We are not fools Learning about technology is cool. Gone away are the blackboards Here to stay are the SMARTboards We love to go to class The teacher’s a blast Learning about technology is cool. With the notebook we can build a lesson A fun activity to teach our class We can use the magic pen Or the screen shade Press your finger or the pen to use the board. We use the interactive SMARTboard to help the students learn more insert a shape, erase a mistake, we can even decorate a cake!We are happy learning smart technology And pretend to practice all we learn At least we can orient the SMARTboard Maybe by next August we can teach the class! When it works, it’s fulfilling Though we need a lot of drilling We promise to learn, because we will earn Pennsylvania Act 48!

Computer Prayer
Dear God,

Help me log on without fretting Guide me, as I am interneting Bless my downloading and uploading Keep my browser from exploding May my website be protected? Let not my password be rejected Keep my line always connected And all my inputs be accepted Please keep my entire program alive And protect my computer from crashing drive, From a virus that would make it nesting hive.

Amen.

Ten Little Gigabytes
Ten little gigabytes, waiting on line one caught a virus, then there were nine.

Nine little gigabytes, holding just the date, someone jambed a write protect, then there were eight.

Eight little gigabytes, should have been eleven, then they cut the budget, now there are seven.

Seven little gigabytes, involved in mathamatics stored an even larger prime, now there are six.

Six little gigabytes, working like a hive, one died of overwork, now there are five.

Five little gigabytes, trying to add more plugged in the wrong lead, now there are four.

Four little gigabytes, failing frequently, one used for spare parts, now there are three.

Three little gigabytes, have too much to do service man on holiday, now there are two.

Two little gigabytes, badly over run, took the work elsewhere, now just need one.

One little gigabyte, systems far too small shut the whole thing down, now there's none at all.